In my many years of study and practice as a bodyworker and movement therapist I’ve been through so many versions of how I talk about it.  Its always a difficult endeavor because bodywork is so completely experiential–a form of communication that takes place directly through touch.  I see bodywork as sensory-motor education.  It is incredibly effective at creating deep healing so long as the person receiving it desires to learn.

I made a video of me working with people so that we could get inside the process a bit.  One of my favorite things that came up was the relationship with tenderness.  I have a way of finding the tender spots–as experienced bodyworkers generally do.  These places are not only tender physically, but often take us directly into our emotional bodies.  They are personal, calling for great compassion as we go to our sensory edges.  I think this is why sometimes we can resolve stuck patterns and trauma through the body without even needing to revisit the stories behind them.  We can heal directly through the body.  I invite you to watch the video and am curious if you see this too.

Want to experience this work yourself?  Use the coupon code AUGUST20 for 20% off a session in August.  Homestays and coaching available for out-of-towners.  BOOK NOW

My creativity can be called upon anytime, yet responds only in its own timing.  It comes in when I soften to allow it.  My creativity can only be urgent when the creative focus itself is calling the urgency; this happens for me sometimes when I’m close to completing a larger project and just can’t put it down.  Creativity is also relational, so the impulse to create depends upon the environment, the people, the season, and very likely the stars.  These patterns can include my conscious mind and my will, but I am not in control.  This is the body in so many ways.  Forcing it just doesn’t work.

I have not spoken of my personal life here much.  A few years ago my wife Kendy, son Eliot, and I were given a place to be:  At our giant home I created a dance center that I called the TransforMansion.  I invited many of you, and for a time the expression was fabulous—I was particularly grateful to hold community at a time most gathering places were closed.  The neighbors weren’t into it and with the intervention of city planning and zoning that dream fell apart.  It was not fully in integrity.  My marriage with Kendy did for a while too, and we took a year’s separation.  Now Kendy, Eliot, and I are together again in a new home, with renewed dreams, and I believe a deeper integrity.  I also built a new studio in a place we can actually use it.  

I have cut off my hair to mark and celebrate the space for a new creative impulse.

The fall BraveSpace retreat in Boise is seeking its proper timing.  Originally planned for August 26-28th, it appears Sept. 23-25th is going to be a better fit for the majority of people who have spoken to me about attending.  Do you have a desire to participate and an opinion?  Please let me know!

We’re so good at connecting with each other that sometimes it’s difficult not to. In the BraveSpace Online non-verbal consent and boundaries class a few weeks ago we explored how we automatically meet and match others’ energy. Once we attune to how we’re doing this we have greater access to choice in how to reposition ourselves and redirect when something isn’t right for us. 

A number of people asked me if I recorded the workshop, and I didn’t because it was personal and interactive–the nature of this work requires a closed container.  I created this video as a window into some of what we covered–I hope it’s useful and perhaps even fun.  There’s a lot of funny facial expressions!

I’ll set up the next workshop soon.  Life is asking me to go slow at the moment, and I’m doing my best to listen.  

Love and gratitude,
Matthew

There is certainly a pleasure in being of service, but how about a service in experiencing pleasure?  When I find pleasure in myself, and allow myself to inhabit it, can that serve you?  I believe it can and does so long as my pleasure is generous in nature, genuinely creating energy rather than taking it.  What boundaries make this possible?
 
Let’s acknowledge the elephant in regard to pleasure; it is strongly associated with sexuality.  I’ve written a bit in the past about sovereign sexuality; I think of this as an internal energetic relationship within myself.  There are a number of traditions of inner lovemaking that can generate pleasure without stimulating the genitals or even touching the body—we can love ourselves by just breathing.  This is one way to look at meditation, and also a way I approach movement.  Now you may define this kind of experience as distinctly non-sexual.  Yet, you and I can never actually know what the other is experiencing, and so concepts and words like sexuality, sensuality, or meditation are hugely relative.  What I believe is consistent, however, is the energy flow between us.  We can both perceive that.  If I am taking energy from you to get pleasure you will probably feel that.  If I am generating energy and making it available to you without attachment, you will likely feel that too.  We each meet the boundary between us with energetic intent.  This is where consent takes place.  There are conscious and unconscious layers of our interaction.  If I unconsciously do something different from what I consciously intend, that’s my shadow in control.  I have asked myself many times as I start speaking about these things about my unconscious intent:  Am I writing just to have you validate something in me, taking your energy for my own benefit?  Am I using the concepts of pleasure and sexuality to get attention?  There’s surely a layer of that, but it doesn’t feel primary.  I’m writing because I think there’s beauty to be found here in each of us.
 
So how is generating and experiencing pleasure of service?  Let’s hold this mystery together.  I investigate it a bit more in the attached video.  I welcome your feedback.
 
Please join me for BraveSpace Online this Wednesday June 15^th at 6pm Mountain Time.  We will explore non-verbal aspects of boundaries and consent.  

Consent is a co-creative process by which we decide what may and may not take place in an interaction.  Dance is a spectacular place to illuminate and practice these largely non-verbal negotiations.  Improvisatory dances such as contact improvisation and ecstatic dance are particularly poignant because there are relatively few set rules—most everything is up for creative interpretation.  If we get stuck in our heads this makes it more challenging, but if we consciously listen and trust our bodies then a magical coherence starts to take place, and the dance takes on a life of its own.

I have had the wonderful privilege of traveling this week with my wife and son in Mexico.  We don’t speak Spanish, so verbal communication with others is restricted.  There’s many people who do speak English, and simultaneously many of those people reaching out to us wish to sell us something; we are clearly tourists.  We find ourselves navigating between being gracious guests and holding our boundaries with clarity.  Spacing, facing, eye contact, timing, and movement quality are all key ways we communicate.  It’s uncomfortable and disorienting at times, but also really incredible how much can be navigated non-verbally.  Please join me to explore these elements in the Non-Verbal Boundaries and Consent BraveSpace Online Workshop on June 15th.

Last week my friend Kelsey and I illustrated ways of beginning and ending dances.  This week’s video is about boundaries; sometimes firm, often gracious, and almost always creative.

Everything in life happens in phrases—a beginning, a middle, and an end.  This is true of every breath, every sentence, and every dance.  Dancing with others, whether touching or not, is a fantastic opportunity to discover our own phrasing and to own it gracefully and respectfully.  In dance we consistently reposition ourselves in relationship with others and our world. 
 
Repositioning is how we negotiate consent non-verbally.  So long as we don’t freeze in a fear or trauma response, our bodies are very good at moving in relation to what we do or don’t want to be near in any moment.  We can make this process conscious and practice it if we wish to shift our patterns, heal what isn’t serving us, or better recognize what others are communicating.  Every dance has an end.  When is it?  How do we know?  Check out this video where my friend Kelsey and I dive into the mystery of getting into and out of dances.