As so much of our society collapses and dis-integrates how do I find personal stability and growth?  Whether a collapse is taking place or not, and I do recognize some of my own shadow in the drama of that perception, the core of the question is true for me.  I am in a time of reckoning, personally experiencing collapse and disintegration in the structures and relationships that I’ve depended on.  I want to share some of what I’m seeing in myself and my life both for my own healing and in case it resonates or supports you in your journey. 

1. Care of my body through movement, meditation, and being conscious of what goes into me—food, medicine, media, and the company I keep.  If you’ve been on this list for some time or know me this is surely not surprising.  You probably engage with these things too.
2. Radical Authenticity:  Being real with others.  As I do this—here and now—I’m aware of speaking from my own experience about me rather than pointing blame or shame at you or anybody.  In revealing what is mine I am vulnerable; I could get hurt.  There have been times that in my authenticity I have hurt those around me.  That’s different.  I don’t have a perfect understanding of where these two aspects meet, but I see that the difference matters a lot.  I experience self-healing and hope I am in service to you through my authentic communication. That’s why I’m writing this.
3. Allowing myself to disintegrate.  I’m watching many of my relationships disintegrate as others build with greater integrity.  I witness fear, shame, and anger in myself as this happens.  As much as possible I don’t allow these feelings to lead my actions.  Allowing disintegration to happen is different from violently causing destruction of self or other.  I offer myself love and forgiveness every time I can do so.  I like to look myself in the eyes (mirrors help) and say “I’ve got you.”  I see that my disintegration will make space for greater integrity in time.
4. I’m looking for clarity and waiting for it.  I have wanted to have clarity in my heart and actions so badly that I rush into it falsely.  Inner knowing can’t be rushed.  That’s frustrating and amazing.
5. I’m embracing pain without seeking it.  I’m embracing death without seeking it.  Life results.  This is paradoxical, and maybe the same as number 3.
6. I’m seeking and learning from teachers that support my growth by assisting me in my inner knowing.  Some are people.  Some are other aspects of nature such as smart plants.  I’m not a rule follower—please don’t tell me what to do.  Sometimes I unconsciously beg for rules, but I consistently disown them when they’re given.  I learn best through invitations into myself.  I seek the God within me.  This is also how and what I teach.