As a subjective researcher of embodiment I write from my own direct experience.  I use ‘I’ statements, admittedly wandering into ‘we’ and even ‘you’ at times.  I haven’t written for a while:  In such a polarized social climate perhaps I just haven’t dared.

This weekend in meditation I saw a part of my shadow worth writing about. I saw that I often have an agenda; something I feel the need to prove.  Sometimes I dance just to prove that I’m a good dancer.  Sometimes I even dance to prove I’m bad at it.  Sometimes I write to prove I’m smart and interesting, to show that I’m morally righteous, or even to prove that I care and choose to serve.  In essence I always want to prove that I’m a valid human being.

It doesn’t work.  There is nothing for me to prove.  And yet if I stand in front of you I will still perform posture.  I have a shape.  We all have a posture in each moment.  As a movement therapist I often work with clients who seek ‘good’ posture.  What is that?  Clearly there are alignment principles that support the health and comfort of our bodies; posture does matter.  Yet, if I (and probably you) try too hard to get it right (anything, really) a paradox appears in which I (and likely we) are trying to prove something.  My posture easily becomes a way of pretending; pretentious.

Shadows come and go depending on the light, but with the possible exception of Peter Pan’s, shadows can never be detached or erased.  It is my nature to have something to prove.  I will probably always have this aspect of myself to grapple with.  When I can see it, however, I can take a deep breath and feel into my posture.  Some aspect of it is genuine, even when another part may be more of an aspiration, a projection, or a way to hide.

In seeing my shadow I am free of the compulsion to enact it.

This Thursday 6:30pm-8pm MST BraveSpace Somatic Circle will focus on this subject of Posture with Nothing to Prove.  It is open to 8 participants in-person (sign up here for in-person), and will also be open to participation on zoom to as many as wish to attend (sign up here for online).  It is $20 or is included in membership.  If you have never participated in BraveSpace before in any form, please connect with me personally before purchasing a ticket.  Work trade and scholarship options are available—please inquire.

The online guerrilla dance class I offered in my last post has not yet received sufficient interest.  10 people are needed for critical mass—I believe there’s 3 so far.

Thanks for reading.

Love,

Matthew

Painting by Danielle Fink